i read a post on social media that said, “everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. be kind. always.”
i want to take this moment to thank everyone who has been kind to me over this past year, and i hope i’ve been kind to those when they needed kindness. still i’m relieved to see 2013 end, and i’m so very grateful i still have my health, because i have never been more relieved to have a year end than i am this year.
it was the year i put half my life on hold, questioned my judgments, and lost all confidence in myself as a writer, a reader, a person… a friend.
it was the year i let people down and people let me down, and i realized that relationships change, and sometimes you lose people you love, especially if the priority is not made to keep them in your life.
but it was also the year i learned to rebuild my self-worth, manage my expectations, and dig out of the hole with a spoon.
maybe i drank.
maybe i’m drinking as i write this.
i’ve spouted truths like, “i’m a very private person,” and i’ve meant it, but i also started this blog as a way to document this part of my life. to be able to look back and find validation in my choices.
and so that’s why i’m sharing that i’m so very glad this year is ending. i’m exhausted and drained and unwilling to put up with crappy things happening in my life. and it’s a great time to be alive, because thanks to social media, i’ve connected with some really great people. people going through exactly the same situations as me, but in their own way. and some people who are completely put together and motivating and helping me see the light ahead.
so on the days when i’m simply overwhelmed by everything, when mean-spirited people email me nasty notes, or when i see no reason to put effort into anything, i remind myself that if i set tiny goals, easy goals, i’ll have many successes, and maybe tomorrow i can reach for achieving something more than simply finishing my cup of espresso without hyperventilating because there aren’t enough hours in the day.
so it took a major breakdown, giving up, letting go, and starting over to put it all in perspective…
here’s to 2014!
This post is bittersweet, isn’t it? Don’t forget you had lots to celebrate this year, too! I’ve definitely learned that life is a series of trade-offs this year, more than anything else. There’s this quote by Henry David Thoreau that I absolutely LOVE that goes, “How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live.” When we lose more than we gain, it’s time to step off the fast track and redefine success. I have faith in you! Forget all the haters! I’m glad to see you believing in yourself and fighting for yourself . . . it’s about time! ❤ ya
I had no idea you were going through a difficult time – you’re always so upbeat.
All artists lose faith in themselves at some point too. So, the good news is you won’t always feel this way and the bad news, there will always be people who poke at you. Believe in your ability to overcome difficulty.
This is such a brave post, Risa. In the publishing industry we always read/hear about writing success, but rarely do we get an honest look at how it can break a person. And, even in the world, we don’t see many people admit having a hard time. But, as you know, you aren’t alone. I doubt myself everyday…I just hide it really well. You are a talented writer with a huge heart. You’ve helped more people than you realize, including me. Go use that talent & heart in 2014 and grab those dreams. ❤
Happy 2014, Marisa. Yes – we do not know what challenges people around us are facing, so it’s impossible to second guess their words and actions. Sometimes it’s necessary to let a “friend” go when they are not a positive influence in your life. If you take care of yourself, you’ll always be stronger when it comes to taking care of others. I wish you the very best in your personal life and in your career. Just remember: Today is the youngest you will ever be. Affectionately, Patty
Oh, Risa, your comments so resonate with me. Here’s to a better 2013 🙂 Believe!
[…] that year, and posting that Year End blog post, I received a lot of messages from people saying that I shouldn’t take everything so personally, […]